I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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