I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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