I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
