Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
