My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want her autograph on my taint
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
