Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
