every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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