Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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