There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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