I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
tell me about the eggs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
