he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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