just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
