I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
