Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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