i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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