I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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