Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
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