It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
