You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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