Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm both gender and math confused
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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