FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
