The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
