apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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