if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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