Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
