the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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