I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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