You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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