You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
