ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
