So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
