At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
