i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
