I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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