He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
