dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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