Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
