Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
