Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
