I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
