Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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