my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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