On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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