i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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