3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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