Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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