Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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