dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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