I wannas sexs uuuuu
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
