cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
