I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
