checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
