he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
