fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
