So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
