you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize