she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
