porn star boner night. come get it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
