so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
