I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize