That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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