Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
