I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
