I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
