she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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