allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
