If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
