How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
