He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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