How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I want a musical about memes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
