Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
