I accidentally had phone sex last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
