I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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